Time-Lapsing Jenny and the Fluxing Field
I’m finally getting around to transcribing my audio entry for this sit, which was actually June 18.
This was “just sitting,” with no expectations and no “quashing” anything that arose. I tried only to not be distracted from what was here and now, even if that was a memory. Profound sit. It began with some fearful/thrilling raptures in second jhana. I was sitting very late at night but wasn’t particularly sleepy.
The Fluxing Field
I opened my eyes and saw everything fluxing—and fluxing hard! It was like fluid waves but in three dimensions. I’ve seen this before and in fact was stuck in it for 6 weeks before stream entry (ended up in the ER because it wouldn’t stop), but now it stops when I end the session (so far). This was the most integrated amount of flux I’ve ever experienced.
Black-Eyed Angel Swam with Me
Then everything became as I closed my eyes. Mental visions of me at different times of my life rotated forth—life flashing before my mind’s eye: me at 4, 8, 10, 12, teenager, in my twenties and staring at my then-pretty face in a bathroom mirror while tripping on LSD. Then the rotation started over again, but out of order. Then there was a settling on one image of me at around 5 years of age. I was skinny and very frail looking, with glasses on. I was standing outside in the too-bright sun, in front of the stained glass windows of our Lutheran church in Tallahassee. I felt, while looking at this child, that I should cry, but the equanimity was too strong for that (aren’t you all glad I’m not going to carry on for once?).
I then heard Bill’s words about being willing to die—that being fourth path, or whatever you want to call it.
Then my mind was flooded by an image of myself as dead, and this radiant translucent gigantic angel filled my field of vision. She was like intense light and looked like me, except for the light, the wings, and two black holes where eyes would be. Being is void; and the void amid all this light is form.
King of Swords, Upright
This is an intense looking card, with the King’s staring straight at me. He’s enthroned in heaven, with angel’s wings at his back. This card advises seeking advice from a witty, wise, and intelligent mentor who “cuts through” all before him with penetrating sight.