Revisitation of the Three Percent Solution and Delayed Leave-Taking
This entry is from June 8 (from audio-recording).
I sat in the wee hours. Because of the recent trend of restlessness, renunciation of my usual dharma obsession, and boredom with practice (which I think is a subtle transmutation of fear that I “won’t get anywhere” during practice), I took Daniel’s advice via our DhU Hangout to go back to that practice he sent me many months ago about watching the flux and movement of attraction and aversion. I also took Jim’s advice to “just sit.” Since Daniel’s write-up months ago included advice to reduce my effort to no more than 3%, that accords with Jim’s “just sit.”
Watching the big movements of attraction and aversion worked great for me before. But this time I felt as though I was simply indulging in the emotions rather than “investigating” them, although this level of practice is not about “noting” or penetrating fast, fine-grained pulsations. Anyway, I was sort of bored with this, even as I remembered that boredom is subtle aversion.
Just Experiencing Whatever Happens
Vasily brought up in our Hangout how, I think since his recent shift, he was less vigilant over whether a girl he was interested in texted him back. However things went, and however he felt, and whatever he did or didn’t do were all seen in the broader perspective of everythings’ “just happening.”
So it occurred to me that even watching the motions of attraction and aversion was too much effort, that I really do need to renounce something, but that something is the effortful struggle to control the practice and extract the insight. Daniel mentioned to me during the Hangout that all he does when he practices jhana is “throw” his mind in the direction of the jhanas—and that’s all.
I had been telling him how I was lately experimenting with not pushing my whatever into the space, and not pulling contraction in Nothingness, but just letting the jhanas “show up.” And, in fact, so far, the experience is much deeper this way. So he was confirming this direction for me now. At other times, he’s suggested some manipulation of the jhanas for mastery; but then there are some periods in which no-self needs to be known.
So the theme of all this, after all of this technique and practice, is ironically just “experience whatever happens.” Stop pushing and pulling. Just stop! What a God joke!
I called all the jhanas, and they developed naturally, nicely, and fairly profoundly.
The World, Reversed
This major arcana card is weird-looking. I’m not sure exactly what it’s about, but here goes.
This card corresponds to the Wheel of Fortune in some ways, the coming full circle. As with so many cards lately, this one bespeaks the ending of a major phase in my life, with a new direction or path awaiting. Because it is in reverse, however, the meaning is that this move in another direction should already be underway, but there is a project that is delaying my “moving on,” probably MCTB2. So delay in reaching my goals is the main import. Whatever the delay, the end must be reached because a new phase awaits.
The serpent in the center represents the world, which is set in the starry outer space of the universe, where everything begins and ends. Symbols of the four elements are in the corners. The masked dancers each hold wands, connected with fire element and creation. The purple of the flags is divinity. Because the world is at the center, and a return to mundane relative reality and physicality has been my focus lately, to me this card is suggesting magickal practices.
Lion is for summer and fire.
Bull head for autumn and earth.
Angel head for spring and air.
Eagle head for winter and water.