Surrender and the Cold Shoulder

I just finished a sit that was really weird. I was almost instantly in fourth jhana, with eyes closed, and then fifth. There are moments when I’m pretty sure there is sixth. Anyway, the jhanas are very hard for me to resist, and they seem to be getting only stronger. I will tend to forget to investigate, and then I have to open my eyes and wrench myself out and over the state to engage in vipassana.

When I did open my eyes and see what would arise, I saw (and heard) everything very noticeably not synchronized but instead jerky and jarring – like a movie on a broken projector. When I would move my eyes, shift my gaze, there was a visible ratcheting effect. At one point, the ratcheting was moving up the wall and then down, like it was all spinning, too. I closed my eyes again and felt like my head was heavy and I was falling forward into some vastness. There was a moment of absolute surrender, and then a pulling back. After this oddness, my back suddenly felt icy cold.


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