This is a simple three-card spread that I read daily, or almost. The deck is the whack Mary-el Tarot by Marie White. It is a hard deck to use if you want to have a text guide as to specific divination. And I don’t think I will ever use it to read for other people, for that reason. It is my personal deck. To me, the better way to use this deck is to take the entire spread in as a whole picture, paying attention to the colors and emotions that the cards evoke.

Image of layout:

For example, look at all that red I’m seeing! The figures are all downright languid, yet the red suggests upheaval, passion. There is some kind of paradox here, and I have indeed been feeling these kinds of contradictions. I’m in an interesting, if sometimes confusing, transitional phase.

Inner World: Page of Wands Reversed

The first card position is my inner state. Here we have the Page of Wands reversed. The image is of Joan of Arc. In reverse, this card indicates a loss of faith or inspiration. This is oddly true. I felt on the night of this layout that i was in a rut, that my sits were repetitive and not as interesting as just sitting and being. What is weird is that my feelings around the sits are this way, but the sits themselves are amazing. Even if my mind wanders off task or target, the clarity, bliss, openness, and vastness are amazing. There is nothing to strive for. All I do is slightly incline the mind to notice. Then I ease off even that.

Outer World: Eight of Wands

Second card is the Eight of Wands. See the girl being carried by the phoenixes? She is asleep. This card position is of external circumstances. This card is about integrating my shadow side, the unconscious. The open lion’s cloak is revealing the core of the magician. The card urges a flexible and fluid response and interpretation of what reality is throwing at me. It is about magick, dreams, colors, poetry, life, specificity, the relative, and individuation.

Advice or Warning: Lovers Reversed

Third card is advice or warning. Here we have the Lovers reversed. This is warning me that I will encounter judgment, exclusion, and servitude. All this has been happening. I met with some bizarrely dramatic judgmental statements, from a couple of Buddhists. Exclusion, yes–I’ve been turned away from by a few. Servitude has to do with my codependency, my penchant for playing Helper, for topping from the bottom.

Meditation: Awareness/Energy in the Belly

Brief sit tonight focused on dropping awareness from the head to the heart and then to the belly. The glow in the heart is also already here in the belly. All you do is notice its already being there. The belly can hold much more energy than the head or the heart, holding great quantities like a sponge, as John says. I released the face and forehead into innocence, and the belly suddenly bloomed out into limitless space. It felt like a sonic boom of sudden bloom. The result felt almost like a yellow rose whose petals are held open by a cold, heavy rain.

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