Insight Stage of Disgust
I’ve been in High Disgust for a couple of days now and intensely during this sit. The kind of Disgust that makes not just sitting with it, but even remembering what to do with it, how to sit with it, seem impossible. Frustration, repelling all, giving up if only I could but can’t even do that—raging, antsy Disgust. Desire to put it somewhere away from me, the very wanting away from me. Sad, pale, unappreciated ironies. Nausea—always a sure sign I’m in Disgust. Oh, yeah. At least I know where I am freakin’ mapwise, as if that were useful. Sick of cycling, too.
Ah, and there’s the Cold Back. That means Grand Abandonment Currents and Third Jhana Crosswalk.
Never draw Anger, but drew Anger and knew that was what I would draw as I drew. That’s funny, and I’m glad something is.
I want to quit everything, torch it all.