How Practice Has Evolved
Breath as Object Abandoned
It is funny that it occurred to me right after my sit today that I haven’t taken the breath as meditation object in a long time, maybe a month and a half, even though that is my usual object. I didn’t even register that I had dropped it as an object.
Over Here to Over There
I went within seconds to Boundless Space, flipping back and forth with Boundless Consciousness, which weirdly seems to be a thing. And so of course what is observing that? More my occupation these days is opening my eyes from there and really dropping effort, so as much of whatever, including my “own” thoughts, are over there.
[Rereading this entry now, 20 February 2016, I want to point out that this movement of more and more subjectivity to the object field seems to be an early phase-in of allowing the illusory perceptual boundaries, in particular subject-object duality, to break down. You do not need to force anything to happen. You need only to go deeply into concentration, which will shift into vibratory and boundless states eventually, and simply notice what jhana-as-object is teaching you about fabrication of a particularized subject vantage point. Force nothing. Simply be present, with mind bright, fascinated, but easy.]
Insight into Particularization and Duality
I saw very clearly tonight that attention is selective, carving out swaths to pay attention to and identify with. The swaths may be thought, the sight of this brass lamp base, spaciousness, that consciousness—but there is always something actively left out, and the leaving-out and identification with what is left in is a burdensome effort, weighty.
Really seeing this, I actually see, visually, things jump and swirl a bit, as if not synchronized. And really, really seeing this, I can stop a big chunk of it. I can drop it. The lamp is there, the sound of an airplane going by is there, and then it gradually isn’t. And that is all, melding with those. Paying down a more targeting attention is full of suffering.
At Home with Being Lost
About 15 minutes into this sit, I momentarily lost consciousness, I was in some sort of daydream, and I swear that I cannot even recall what it was. Even though I’m not prone to sleepiness during sits, I think it is likely that I just fell a asleep for a moment. There was nothing dramatic, and no bliss wave. (Dan says there has to be a bliss wave or it isn’t fruition, although I suspect that experience is more various than his own in these matters.) No matter. Practice continues, regardless. And if that was one, then it is laughable and no comparison to the Great Event of August 8. Screw the maps for now. I’m thoroughly lost and enjoying the scenery. On its own, practice has evolved.