I need to write a book.

And there is something playing in the shadows around the edges of my mind. And
it is saying that the different traditions are insufficiently talking to
each other. 

I am watching another video. These students have supposedly almost stabilized
rigpa, but they bring up the most basic, baby obstacles to practice. Some are therapists yet struggle with anxiety and self-doubt so much that practice is impeded. How, how can they have realized rigpa if they don’t even know
how to look at the sensation of anxiety in the body? John gives the psych
perspective, but he also basically says the solution is vipassana. 

Still, in the videos,
week after week, someone has to say the same damned thing. So now I see what frustrated
Ingram about all the psychologizing. John is giving the same answers Daniel
would, ultimately, but he is so nice and patient that no one “hears” what he says as instructions. Whereas Daniel would be an asshole and just be fired or dismissed. 

I’m keep thinking how the elephant path is really the jhanic path for those who
can access the jhanas. Someone needs to survey all practices and put together a
practice manual that is no-nonsense, modern, accessible, and truly nonsectarian. 

Mahamudra seems wasted on newbies; Daniel is wasted on anyone with
three paths (or whatever). Why the fuck can’t someone simplify all this? Even
Daniel gets so mired in Theravadin texts that he loses sight of the how-to, and
the truth is that he doesn’t know how to get the higher paths.

Moreover, Daniel isn’t finished. The
reason is that he has not addressed the compassion-love-intimacy side. That side is
not optional. It is absolutely necessary, critical, to enlightenment. It is why
I’m also not done, and I believe I have just what Daniel does for attainment, which has certainly
demystified Daniel for me.

The problem is that I’m 51. And I will not be able to retire
anytime soon. It will likely take years and years for me to have the knowledge
necessary to write a dharma book that fills a real gap. And the writing itself
will take years if I have to do it outside full-time work hours. 

Listening to John, I hear him now saying for us to keep our eyes open to the suffering in the
world, hold everyone and everything, because what stabilizes realization is
staying with that suffering, compassion, never leaving, staying up on the
cross, never leaving. It is the mystery of the crucifixion that the deeper we feel into the pain of being human, the broader and more unbounded the release.

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