Fourth of July: Independence Day

I sat for almost an hour. I was bothered a lot by aching and random itching; the itching is a frequent and weird problem. All this went away in the formless realms.

I felt many hard shifts down into something deep, vast, and on the verge of unconsciousness. At first I was trying to do concentration practice, but the vipassana was breaking through so much that I ended up relinquishing into that. I don’t think I had what I think of as a fruition, but there were some momentary discontinuities that had more of a fade out than the jump-cut sorts of fruitions.

I’ve been sleeping a ton this whole long weekend, like I cannot get enough sleep. However Fear was predominant tonight. It was as if I feared going too deep into the meditation, or feared annihilation by fruition. I need to sit earlier to avoid sleepiness.

I feel that I’m in a post-path-like honeymoon.

Kurt and I drove to the lake at Upstead Park and he lighted a bunch of fireworks with a cigar he was half smoking. The lake was shimmering, and the clouds were swept into vertical streaks by the dying light. We listened to Hendrix and Radiohead. I looked around the perimeter of the lake at all these other blooms of fireworks going on in the semicircular distance. I had never been happier.

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