Fear of Retreat

I’ve afraid to do a retreat in the past because I have this very rare form of migraine (hemiplegic, basilar-artery) that can cause intense destabilization, resulting in persistent auras (hallucinations, basically). This is what happened when I ramped up on MCTB dry vipassana during an intense A&P stage. I literally lost my vision to aura for 6 weeks and ended up in the ER in Chapel Hill for 20 hours, which occasioned the first email exchange I had with Daniel—in the ER his book sent me to. Moreover, over the many years that I’ve suffered with these attacks, some of which involved 100% terrifying disappearance of my body fields and much of my cognitive ability, I’ve developed phobias around them. Hence, I have shunned driving alone on highways out of town, do not like being “trapped” somewhere, even if it is a nice place. Maybe a very short retreat is the place to start.

Leave a Reply