Profound Insight into the Falseness of Causality
Blowaway sit with my workplace sangha today at lunchtime! Very different from all recent sits, past few months. The afterglow was literally stunning, too. I couldn’t move for a while. I couldn’t go with the others upstairs to get lunch. When I finally did, and had a fascinating conversation with my empathic friend Aparna, I afterward could barely recall all that passed and that I “saw.” I’ll do my best.
Phased-In and Phased-Out Voicing of Insight
I want to preface my record by saying this: When insights break through what might otherwise be on the samatha side of jhana, they are in some sense “voiced” as linguistic-conceptual thoughts. Yes, this perhaps is a kind of presence to “watch” to see whether it appears to oppose an other.
However, there is a different experiential quality to these “thoughts” when they are compared to the full-on linear declarative sentences we (or I) normally think in. The thoughts shift sides, when sides are noticed, and shimmer, phasing in and out of discursive sense. When they are phased “out,” I don’t know what you would call that or them, because they are all still there somehow, the insights, but, but, but . . . what? What can you say of such thoughts?
I had this intention weeks ago to set aside Fridays for metta/brahmaviharas practice. But what I intend and predict, and what meditation in fact does, are often two different things. My first observation is that, emotionally, I feel so relieved that “meditation” has “taken over” again. At the same time, as anyone reading will soon see, I found I could call up the insight stages, which I’ve never been able to do to anything like this extent before. So . . . both no-self and mastery intensified over my former meditative baseline.
Manifold Cause-and-Effect (ñ2.j1.j2)
As soon as the beginning chime rang, I dropped right into some highly altered state, but then I entertained a thought, “Dang, that was fast!” I then dutifully noted/noticed that I was commenting on my more “properly” high meditative experience. Oh, boy. And with that thought, the “trouble” truly began. . . .
I was trying to establish first jhana properly, and did; however, my breathing was disruptively jerky, quite noticeably so. The entire sit was about noticing very, very subtle levels of cause-and-effect, such as the following:
- My commenting on my more properly meditative experience and
- How that comment is a new experience and
- How my noting/noticing the pattern comprising No. 1 and No. 2 becomes yet another new experience
Yet here is the real kicker: All that time that I was rolling through the cause and effect, the jhanas were shifting in some sort of background, without my personal help or effort at all!
So then I noticed this. Background/foreground became prominent as yet another thought, and meditation, the experience, therefore had its way with me. In other words, that entire background/foreground fabrication moved to the foreground. That left a new background as contrast, opposing other. Then another duality of background/foreground was encapsulated and moved to the foreground. And on and on and on and on.
This is Cause-and-Effect, and I don’t believe I’ve ever experienced this stage, which I usually disdain as “low,” this subtly, this clearly, with this much insight. Yeah, I saw it in a much coarser way a long time ago, but this? Never before.
For whatever reason, and I should probably try to figure out that reason, contemplate it, and I guess no time like the present—as soon as I saw that
- The arrow of time was reinstated, and
- The foreground/backdrop split could not be penetrated or bested—
I understood that there would always be me, and there would always be other and its not caring, that every duality penetrated with insight would reify another background/foreground split. Argh!
At this point, facing this realization, I felt intense Fear arise, gargantuan Fear. There is something bloody awful, terrifying, about the fact that this divide is indeed a divide and that it hides out so mischievously in that ever-shuffled-off background.
Where is God? Why is there no f’n help for this matter? I know that there is help in this very unfolding, but why we humans run away from the door to salvation I’ll never understand. Well, maybe if this knot ever untangles, then I’ll understand, when I no longer personally need to.
Absolute Necessity of Synchronization
I remembered what Daniel said in Chapel Hill about letting the breath just be however it is. Okay. So be it, you jerky breath.
I shifted to second jhana with that arising of Fear, rapturous Fear, thrilling Fear, somehow divine Fear. Suddenly, as soon as this shift happened, my usual bright lavender-colored nimitta popped up. A week or two (or three?) ago, this nimitta presented for once as still, expanded, and stable. Not today. It was “blooming” and “unblooming,” alternating violet and negative silver/black.
There is something so intimate about a visual nimitta, so almost personal in its dawning and abiding. I am naked and gazing into its violet sky-mirror intelligence. Is it surface or depth? I began to wonder “who,” or which side, controlled that nimitta’s current presentation. I intended to find out what I could do to change it—make it still, make it spread, bring it closer—but somehow I just quickly got lost in the nimitta itself. I was swallowed by it; nevertheless, it would give forth to me its opposition to me at the same time, or perhaps different time. There was something eerily like eighth jhana about all this—about the surface/depth and simultaneous/discontinuous instantiation.
And oh I did strongly sense that time is a key. All this must synchronize along the dimension we think of as time. This is the current insight bright line of Cause-and-Effect: Synchronization must happen, somehow, and thoroughly.
The violet nimitta is luminous. Nevertheless, background/foreground is not synchronized—not permanently. Time is currently comprehended as linear, even if as paradoxically so, conceptually speaking, and conceptually is the only way I’m speaking, of course.
Ability to Call Up the Ñanas
I stopped calling up the jhanas and started calling up the ñanas, which I found I could easily do. I called up Misery, Desire for Deliverance (which was seemingly bottomless in its anguish and longing), and Reobservation. During all of these, the nimitta had vanished.
Then I called up fourth jhana and Equanimity simultaneously. Wow! Such sudden broad brilliant violet nimitta behind closed eyes! A very richly absorbed yet still somehow moving state/stage. Violet changed over to white light at times. Amazing. I experienced a momentary (very fast) discontinuity and bliss envelopment. I’m not sure if this was a fruition, but maybe. (I’m trying to be conservative, honest, and real.)
After a while, I called up the formless realms—upon calling up fifth, the nimitta vanished again, and all turned to felt space. Boundless Consciousness was the same sort of mirror my nimitta was, but formless. Eighth was amazing, a very easy drop-off/in.
Then the bell rudely rang before I could do anything from P8JP.
After remaining there as long as I could without being rude, I opened my eyes and was in such an altered state, with so heavy an afterglow, that I could not speak to my companions or move. They started for the door and stairs up to the cafe. I didn’t.
Wisdom of the Empath Aparna
When I finally joined them at the lunch table, Aparna up and declared that I have too much energy—wind element, but I’m fat because of too much water element. Hahahaha, man, I love this woman: She lets you have it straight between the eyes but gently nonetheless. My excess wind/energy is what causes me to be so dysregulated. She is an empath and can feel and balance others’ chakras, and energy channels.
She told me to try to fix my sleeping patterns to address my excess wind/energy, that this was the root of many problems with me: my refusal to align my cycles with the sun. She said the water problem would likely take care of itself if I would address the wind problem consistently. She said to rise with the sun and lay off the electronic devices and engagement with other people when the sun goes down. She reported on how holy and beautiful mornings are, with the birds singing. She advised that I enter my jhanas and make resolutions to do this. Boy, that is a tall order since nighttime is my playtime.
Aparna is Indian. She is a most lovely, grounded, soothing woman to be around, with such mesmerizingly comfortingly fluid hand gestures, deep brown lake depths for eyes. She is like reaching liminal states while dozing on your favorite old overstuffed couch covered with a goose-down comforter while the scent of baking gingerbread wafts over you from a faraway, otherwise forgotten kitchen hearth. . . .
I told her about Daniel’s feeling toxic for weeks after his fire retreat, asking if that was a problem with the elements’ not being balanced. She said probably, particularly if it went on and on; however, she said that likely the main problem was that he opened all his chakras completely. That means that when he came back his sensitivity would have been exquisite. She said, “If you are in an emergency room, even subtle disturbances in others will flood in with all kinds of accrued extraneous energies, and they magnify each other, so it isn’t really a wonder that he would have felt completely poisoned by the illness energies.” Then she told me that she cannot go into hospitals at all because, again, she is an empath. She says that even getting near a hospital in the parking lot, floods her with pain, suffering, and madness energies. She can feel and sometimes see auras; she can “manipulate” chakras but doesn’t do so usually and never without permission: “When you do such things, you are leaving the human realm and stepping into the Divine, so you had better have respect.”
We talked a bit about Emptiness and the No-Self/True-Self paradoxes. She said, “Emptiness doesn’t work intuitively for me as path, Jenny, but that is just path.” And then I told her what Daniel said to me recently about how, one attains the nondual shift, the Three Characteristics just vanish. She said, “Well, of course they do. When you are on the other side of this divide, the so-called side of no-sides, then you see that there are many paths to that awakening.” And then she added, “That is why this group is so important: We are bringing in perspectives from different paths and appreciating them; my preferring the path of God and not Emptiness is only Path, not result.”
Aparna, in closing, mentioned that Dennis the Menace cartoon we’ve all seen—where his mother asks him to get some milk from the refrigerator, and he heads there but meanders through every side room in the house along the way, playing with toy trains and whatnot, looping and looping, taking detours, before arriving at the refrigerator door, opening it, and grasping the dang milk.
I said, “ah, as Edward Albee wrote, ‘Sometimes you have to go a long way out of the way to come back a short distance correctly.'” And I pointed out how Wilhelm Reich blamed Jesus Christ’s death on the fact that humans, if you show them the door to salvation, will run the other way. She laughed, and said, “Yes. So that indirection is our individuated paths. Don’t mistake any particular strand of that variance along the way for nonduality.”
Chat with DreamWalker
I had really profound insights yesterday, thick and fast, in clear Cause and Effect stage. Clear view of the problem. New territory. 15 hours later, A&P starting.
Clear view of the problem . . . the or a?
I have never really got clarity during review of the first 3 nanas
Clear view of the problem on the temporal axis after luminosity is attained. Clear view of why luminosity ain’t complete nonduality. There are probably other reasons—my guess.
To me, this series of insights was very profound.
Is it really a problem?
Yes. It is obviously dual at a more fundamental level than I have before seen.
Which part? What would make it not a problem?
Everything has to synchronize. Time needs to be seen though completely.
OK . . . just wondering what the Solution to the “problem” would look like.
Thought about the background is another thought . . . yes.
I don’t know how to solve the problem, or I would solve it. But I know that all has to synchronize. Somehow. I Saw this directly. I saw the nature of the problem directly, and, as in AA, maybe the first step is to admit that you have a problem.
I Think emptiness-of-time practices may help. Or maybe just continuing to practice as I have been until the breakthroughs run dry. One thing I do know—which will sound obvious—you have to see this directly for yourself. Secondhand insight isn’t insight, although it can help, or seem to help meantime. So even though I’ve read Daniel’s bits about “synchronization” over and over again, and I did get what he meant, now I really, really, really get it. I understand the nature of the problem. I have watched the process of confusion perpetuate itself.
Ya . . . some self-reference in the time stream . . . kinda what leads you to agencylessness . . . but even more.
The C&E insight is beyond the insight that thoughts about thoughts’ background are thoughts. It is some fundamental problem with backgrounding, some succession, arrow-of-time problem.
That it keeps being reified.
That we keep reifying an “it,” a “background,” reinstating the split.
Hmm . . . describe the background.
I will make a new DhU post to discuss all this for the benefit of the group and us.
Short answer is that background is functional, not constative, and therefore is itself the inability to be described. It is whatever was previously invisible as the other side of a split, until it was encapsulated as part of a dual pair that is now foreground, where it stops being background, functionally, which instantiates a new background, unseen.
Linear causality is a fundamental structural split. It involves time, the arrow of time. It is an error.
Postscript 2.5 Years Later
The sit in the insight stage of Cause and Effect was one of the most profoundly insightful sits of my entire path. I saw distinctly, before I ever encountered Dzogchen or Mahamudra, how the illusory arrow of time would keep generating background/foreground polarities. So this sit confirmed what I saw on the second MCTB path: That Enlightenment would necessitate a complete closure of a gaping aporia within the supposed “now.” Time would have to cease. Causality would have to cease. Background/foreground would collapse. This happens at buddhahood. It is only at the very end, buddhahood, which is far past MCTB Fourth Path, that the mystery of agency resolves itself completely.