Equanimity and Boredom
This journal is getting boring. In fact, practice is kind of boring, which means I’m somewhere in Equanimity. Jhanas are not wowing me, I can’t get enough rapture going for Pureland. Afterglow is subtle. So the theme of disenchantment continues. I’m restless to be done with MCTB2, but the work is endless, and I’m mired in it.
Boundless Consciousness (j6) was again center of gravity. It is a very powerful state. I can “let go” from pushing out into it, but then everything starts moving, swaying, rocking. So this is probably vipassana Equanimity (vj4).
I called up A&P/j2 pretty readily, oddly enough, and j3. At the beginning of the sit, everything felt profound, but as it went on, I started feeling bored, slightly nauseated, and done, like I couldn’t get any magic going. Nothingness (j7) was kind of busy, vibratory-roiling. I didn’t stay there long before I slipped to j8. Eighth now seems to have a kind of amnesia to it. I’m not sure what I mean, but when I come out of it, I’m not sure I was in it, but I think I was and that is the chief sign that I was: not knowing. What a whacked out state, if you can even call it that.
At the P8JP, again I’m getting into some kind of bizarre state. No idea what it is. It is a state of No Effort, No Need to Fabricate. I may need to post a question about this. Resolving for nirodha samapatti still, but I think I’m too vipassana-side to get it currently. No more clear fruitions—blip things, but I’m not “counting” those.
Pawel asked the following after I wrote the above passages: “Why would EQ ever be ‘boring’? If anything boredom is 8th and 9th ñanas quality, not 11th. In EQ there should be no boredom at all because need for excitement is gone, everything should be okay as it is where it is.”
My answer is as follows:
Ask Daniel. His gigantic table mapping the ñanas says for “Typical Mental Manifestations” of High Equanimity the following: “Boredom, forgetfulness, balance, Deep Wisdom seems very natural and ordinary.” That is the only stage that lists “boredom.” Desire for Deliverance has “disenchantment with the World,” but that’s different from boredom with practice. It could be Disgust, for that one says, “renunciation.” “Boredom” is a better fit, though, for what is (not) happening in practice.
Well, first that other source you cite—it isn’t as detailed (fine-grained) as Daniel’s map, not by a long shot, nor does it match what I usually notice. For example, it lumps all of Equanimity together as one stage; Daniel’s map shows substages and even sub-substages. Last night I was clearly in the mini-dark-night part of Equanimity, which included some fear and raptures. And before the boredom entry I was right before that territory mapwise.
So I think I’m in Equanimity. Maybe I did touch into High Equanimity if Daniel’s mapping of boredom is correct. Notice in the source that you linked that Equanimity is characterized by “indifference.” That is the neutrality-boredom I mean. It wasn’t a restlessness, aversion, or sadness as the Disgust stage has it—although I do get mild nausea with Disgust, and I did have that during the sit in question.
Daniel says to look at what came before and what comes after to help diagnose a stage, so I believe I was somewhere in Equanimity, because currently I am.
What puzzles me is why I’m hanging out in Equanimity if that fruition really finished off that recent cycle. Am I in Review or not?