Jenny’s Journal from the Dharma Underground: The Year of Awakening 2015
At this point, I’ve now posted the entire backlog of entries from my Dharma Overground and Awake Network practice journals. Now I move to transferring the more private journal that I wrote in the Dharma Underground, which transfer will proceed in date order. This next one is by far my favorite journal, with the one I’m currently keeping being a close second. In this journal something new was happening in practice almost nightly; progress was rapid.
In January 2015 I approached Daniel Ingram about quietly reviving his private forum, which had been inactive for 5 years. He agreed and said that I could select the invitees, vet them, and pass their names to him for addition to the secret space. Only a very few people became members and participated, but I loved it: It was like having a hideaway tree fort: playful, intimate, secret.
My life felt dizzily magickal then; I was totally absorbed in dharma communication and communion. It continued from February to July, when Ingram deleted my account. Then I was accidentally allowed back in by his admin after my Mahamudra retreat and awakening. Daniel and I became friendly enough again that I stayed until October, when I was again banned, although the moderators said I had broken no rules. (Politics!)
Despite my being banished from “Daniel’s” community, I’ve remained friends with the old timers and made new friends from it, too. I plan for my book to be explicitly Pragmatic Dharma, a companion to MCTB, and I plan to dedicate it to Daniel. He was my first teacher despite the bitterness that erupted as soon as I got fourth path, and the destruction of an entire year’s worth of painstaking collaborative work on MCTB2(J), which will now never see the light of day, never benefit anyone. Healing from the effects of Daniel’s choices was slow, but the grief had its own exquisite rightness to it in the boundless context in which I’ve experienced life since July 29, 2015.