Departure for New Path in the Cards Again

June 10

I did just a 30-minute sit to watch the movement of attraction and aversion. The insight was that both of are the same cloth, the same thing—not that this insight exactly knocked my socks off.

Card drawn was Five of Cups, reversed. This card plays on the notion of spilled milk. On reverse, the mermaid takes what is left after pain and conflict, and she moves on.

June 11

Very sleepy all day. Sat anyway. Sat with no agenda or expectation, which sleepiness helps achieve, although sometimes I think I should sit earlier in the day for a brighter mind. Very quickly and naturally, I entered jhanas and had a fruition out of eighth—nothing spectacular, but a nice bliss wave afterward.

I drew the Hierophant, reversed. This card represents a spiritual teacher, and I have contact with only one. On reverse, instead of the rule-bound rigid papal figure of the upright draw, the reverse shows an eccentric druid with pentagrams. He is not looking at me but askance and is pointing out a different direction for me to take, not his, not following him. The card is, like so many cards lately, pointing me to a different path. So some big change is coming. Ironically, the Druid is leading by pointing to an unconventional path, but he is indicating that no one should follow his lead.

June 12

This was a beautiful sit at the top of Building R at work, with Barry, Aparna, and Jesse—we being the real core members of our little workplace sangha. I remember that at the beginning of the sit I was somewhat agitated and had physical sensations of contraction and even pain around the area of my heart. This was no doubt because I had just read some of Daniel’s comments responsive to my heavy edits of the “Six Doors” section of his book, and I reacted to his comments emotionally, for they seemed hypercritical after I stayed up all night and tracked down citations for him in that section. So I was feeling sorry for myself and noticing that the pain of rejection or criticism from him is actually physically felt: I feel a hot wave from my gut, my navel area, sweep up to my heart area, where the contraction can be to the point of physical pain. I’m simply ridiculous. Oh well!

However, as usual, my sit with my SAS comrades was glorious. Before and after the sit, the four of us sat in silence, gazing out the top-floor panoramic windows at all the swaying trees in their early-summer green. The sky was blue; the clouds were silvery white. Everything was stunning, and luminosity was high. There is a definite energy we share when sitting together. It is amazing, and I’m so thankful I have this sangha in the most unexepected of places: work.

I was up most of each night of the weekend, corresponding with Daniel—so very, very busy. I’ll will transcribe here some of what I wrote Daniel about my own practice, heavy metalevel Desire for Deliverance.


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