Coming New Direction, Hope, and Loss

29 June 2015

I sat for only 30 minutes. I meant to practice these new concentration tips from the mahamudra book, but I detoured quite a bit. It seems that jhanas are so automatic for me that I don’t need to concentrate much for them to happen in the background. So I do need to practice a more vigilant and intensified concentration. The easing up kind I have down,

Mostly, I was following Daniel’s earlier advice to “let it settle,” whatever I have. I can hardly wait to communicate with him. And he better flash those dimples, pat me on the head, and say “Nice!” rather than tell me I need to repeat nirodha samapatti to get credit for it, haha!

I had a pretty intense fruition on the upper side of the jhana, with a spinning motion going into in. Not much bliss afterward, though.

I drew the Star, which suggests hope and good outcomes. There are symbols of Aquarius, water bearer and life bringer. The doves suggest release, lightness, the positive. The woman is naked and sheltered, or comforted, in her hair, needing nothing material, nothing else.

30 June 2015

I sat for only 40 minutes. I wasn’t much of a mood to sit at all. I slept much of the evening. Maybe I’m already moving into Dissolution. My jhanas bloomed much in the usual way, even though my concentration was rather shite. My mind kept wandering off to stories, and I had to bring it back repeatedly to the breath. For the arupas, I feel that I tried to go to Nothingness and NPNYNP too soon and so Nothingness wasn’t really all that stable, and eighth I couldn’t really tell I established at all. Center of gravity was Boundless Consciousness, and had a good stop off in Boundless Space on the way back down.

I drew the Hanged Man, reversed. This is ambiguity reversed, so ambiguity proper, ha. The man in green hangs suspended in timelessness, meditating to reach enlightenment. The hourglass on its side indicates the stopping of time. The aura around his head suggests new understanding. All the swirling in the background speaks of all that is outside of the self’s control, which is what brought the man in green to this state. The figures on the side are blown about by the winds of change, with the red indicating a sense of loss as I move on in a new direction. There is someone in the background who controls and draws on me for his own purposes, and this keeps me somewhat trapped for the time being. As with so many cards the past few months, this card is indicating meditation practice, the advent of a new direction and departure in my practice, and a sense of loss for someone I will leave behind as I embrace this new change, step into it.


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