Clusters of Cessation-Fruitions
Characteristics of stage and sit are as follows:
♦ No good idea where I am.
♦ Mind babbling most of this sit, yet I seem to rise up through the jhanas anyway, regardless of thinking. Can one really think this much and still be in jhana?
♦ Slept 11 hours Saturday night, which I needed. Dissolution?
♦ Crazy dreams I’ve been having for months have suddenly stopped.
♦ Had little surges of fear early in the day. Fear?
♦ Had some arising of misery, but nothing really heartfelt. Misery?
♦ Maybe mini-Dark Night.
♦ Have had strong feelings past few days that I need to return to my nondharma life—grounding, flight from obsessions.
In Sphere of Nothingness, I’m pretty sure I had a decent fruition tonight—There was a reverie of some sort that suddenly arose, some idea that I could dive into Nothingness, something like that, but then a forgetting, and then bam, I was gone. Then I was back (in Nothingness), a warm intense bliss wave rose up, like a flush.
I didn’t get a good entry into eighth tonight, but the post-spot is wonderful—I’ve been continuing resolutions for nirodha samapatti from here.
PL (custom) Jhana—OMG, I thought I wouldn’t get this tonight because I’m so neutrally, but then it came on suddenly, and a few minutes later a second, more persistent wave of it came on and it was just incredible! This is an amazingly divine and healing state, and damned fun!
Questions esp. for Daniel at DhU Hangout are as follows:
Most of us, I think, have lately been sensing that there is something crucial about mastering the jhanas—crucial to insight and therefore enlightenment, despite separation of the Three Trainings. And I was driven to work on the jhanas after both paths. Is this part of anagami trap–delusions, or are we right that there is something crucial here?
Nothingness—Often, oddly enough, this state seems to have more going on in it than the others: More fluxing, strobing, even sometimes flashes of something, roiling of black on black, dimension itself, even dream-like hints of images that are obviously mental like a dream. For weeks I was getting air hunger here, but that seems to have passed and now knocks me out of eighth. Anyway, it seems that because there is so much turning away from and contraction, there is a much keener sense of remainder, background presence—or there can be. However, last night I seemed to have a decent fruition from within this state—I was fixating on the nothing within the Nothingness, the blanks, and then there was reverie, gone completely, and then back in Nothingness, and then bliss wave. Odd. I don’t notice that I have fruitions except in clumps for a week or so every few months, and they are more annoying than impressive. This was semi-impressive and insightful. Nothingness is really something!
From within eighth, which is hard for me to stay in for long—I am having these odd little clicks or blips, not like the more full-on fruition, but really rather annoying and more like head drops in a way, only they are more like spasms of being out, unconscious for a second, and then instantly back but dislocated, like a jerk, but I’m not sure it is physical. What are they? They seem to disrupt the state and knock me out of it because I can’t help but pay attention to the big jerk that just happened, and then I’m self-aware, and then out of the state. Many happen in a row. I’ve even wondered if they are a weird kind of seizure.
So-called Pure Land jhanas—I find these super easy to attain and just heavenly. However I recently had some odd things suddenly arise in them: a massive reverie ending in an explosion of orchid petals (A&P Event), and then during the recent very hard Reobservation this horrible blackness, like a dead seal flipped up on the heavenly beach, and I was suddenly choked with sobs. WTF? How can these stage extremes be happening from within PL? Is this just a coincidence? Have you ever heard of something like this?
What do I do with this profound doubt?
Vasily already gave me the correct answer. Yet still I ask, and still the asking is unsatisfactoriness. I guess I will be caught in this tangle until I’m not.