Blazing the Esoteric Path

This is going to be good. But first, be sure you have read the ugly context from my last post about the gaslighting Daniel subjected me to, or tried to.

After dispensing with Daniel’s nutso letter to me, I performed a ritual to access my akashic records and cut all ties with him completely and forever, in all times, parallel realities, and lives. 

I saw that in one particular life I was a human woman and he was this gigantic amorphous translucent red creature that floated above me in the sky and vaguely had the shape of a flying squirrel. I was running through a brown meadow in a long red gown, near some woods. He was blobbing along, chasing me in a way. We were sorcerers in the same order, and this was some kind of magickal combat training drill. There was a sense of both attraction and competition between us.

Suddenly there was a scene in which something had gone terribly wrong, an explosion and stabbing, but I couldn’t see exactly what had happened. There was some horrible bloodshed by one of us on the other. But I couldn’t tell which one of us was the killer and which was the killed. It seemed that some sorcery had gotten out of hand, went too far. I think I was probably the one killed, which would explain why I couldn’t see exactly what happened: just a lot of blood, confusion, and then nothing.

The tie-cutting ritual was thorough and left me feeling clean, light, and free.  

Then I threw these cards.

Understand the Past: Seven of Wands Reversed

The Seven of Wands, when reversed, indicates enmity but also indecision about it, hesitancy. It also indicates that, in achieving a position of leadership, I will have to face jealousy. I need to be realistic and feel the strength within. I need to recognize that my position is stronger than I usually think it is.  

This card urges me to never be indecisive in this regard. I need to come to a clear course of action. I must have complete trust in my inner voice. I need to remain patient, make no unwise decisions, and resist feeling threatened. 

This card fits well with what just ensued with Ingram. I understand now that I succumbed to relationship amnesia by engaging him in the first place. I need not be rattled. He is jealous, desperate in his actions, and obviously so. I had perfect clarity during this exchange. Crystal clear sight was in abundance, and I saw him so clearly that all my further regard for him snapped like a brittle icicle.

This lifetime is bringing a major increase in responsibility for the knowledge I’m about to receive on this leg of my journey, but I am ready.

Mine is the position of strength.

Mine – by the Right of the White Election!
Mine – by the Royal Seal!
Mine – by the sign in the Scarlet prison – 
Bars – cannot conceal!

Mine – here – in Vision – and in Veto!
Mine – by the Grave’s Repeal – 
Titled – Confirmed –
Delirious Charter!
Mine – long as Ages steal!

Emily Dickinson

Understand the Present: Three of Disks Reversed

The domestic scene on the Three of Disks reversed indicates that I’m feeling time pressure to complete a big new work (book), but that I need to be careful not to rush and not to turn into an obsessive workaholic. All that bustle and drive comes actually from a lack of faith in my own resourcefulness.

There is no actual hurry. I need to pay attention to the material plane, to my home, health, and family. I have the resourcefulness to complete a book, and I also have the resourcefulness to take my time in figuring out how to do so. The advice is to step back and see the project as a whole and also as part of the rest of a rich life of ever more learning.

Do This: Four of Disks

Ah! Another four (like last reading), and another disk. Both four and the disks emphasize the physical plane. This card is saying, “Settling what is without will settle what is within.” I need to attend to my body, my family, my job, my rest, and the like. Like the card just before it, the message is to get my work life and home life in better order. Take care of Jenny.

Envision the Outcome: Justice

A decision has finally been made. An obstacle has now been removed. That obstacle was remnant faith in resolution of Ingram and MCTB2. Now I see all the way through that delusion and understand fully that complete and permanent severance from him is best. I also understand that the best possible outcome with regard to MCTB2 is that my beautiful work and good name not be associated with this false “arahat.”

Here is the payoff, and it is a biggie: the major arcana card Justice, which bears the number 8, which is infinity and manifestation on the physical plane. It is a harbinger of magickal power.

This card is about action, and the Buddhist word for that is karma. I’m entering my calling. The Great Work (enlightenment) will be completed, and from there the Magician’s path of spontaneous presence and manifestation will begin.

I am to contemplate the whole of my life, understanding my past actions as who I am, and understanding my future actions as who I will become. It is time to go within, to retreat from the Outer, to know myself in truth, to know the good and the bad of myself, to gain mastery of myself. Full enlightenment is the crux of what is without and what is within. This echoes what the Four of Disks was saying: that I need to settle my physical plane chaos to settle what is within. Justice is looking to the future, when I will go within to manifest outer reality according to intent.

As fast as my awakening has been, now my esoteric path begins. Looking clearly within, at the self, without wincing or embellishing, will help me see the outer world more clearly, as well. Reconciling my past self with my exemplary self will be the purification and transformation that ushers in my True Self: the Eternal Magician.

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