A Two-Track Mind
This sit was rocky, or alternately rocky and smooth, perhaps mainly because of poor planning. I didn’t decide ahead of time what kind of meditation to do (concentration or insight), so I kept changing my mind. I’m also just very weird currently, in the kind of way that A&P makes me weird and a little crazy. The oddness of the new perceptual baseline is probably contributing to this sense of being just weird.
Early in the evening I ate some supper at Whole Foods. I sat still and paid attention, and it did seem some Fear was cycling around. I do suspect that the micro-level of insight-stage cycles is probably happening inside the larger A&P stage that I’m clearly now in, but I’m just not good at noticing the fractal yet. The cycles also seem to be speeding up – by the book, the book being MCTB.
My sit alternated between calm, deep concentration states that were wide (I’m really not positive I know how to mark the boundaries between all the specific jhanas yet), and impulses to notice. I really don’t know what I should be doing in this Review/A&P stage. Daniel told me to keep a journal and pay attention, which was the idea I started acting on the night before the stream entry event, coincidentally.
Perhaps the foremost oddity that I’m noticing now is that there is simultaneous peace (post-SE) and overexcitement (A&P stage).
It is as though meditation is continuing on one track all the time, whether I’m trying to meditate or trying just to do my daily activities, while discursive thought is on overdrive on a separate but simultaneous mental track even when I’m formally meditating. I have never experienced this double-tracked mind before August 8. I seem to be able to meditate and think at the same time without either activity’s interfering with the other.
Intuitively, I feel like I want to nail down some jhanas, but MCTB suggests waiting till after mastery of calling up the insight stages.