Reemergence of Cyclic Insight Stages
Past Progress of Insight
When I attained to Awake Awareness in July 2015, I blithely declared that either I was no longer cycling through the Progress of Insight stages, or the stages were so “drowned out” by openness and clarity that they were, for all intents and purposes, nullified. I did occasionally notice the Knowledge of the Arising and Passing Away (A&P) stage, with its hypomanic bliss and physical raptures, heightened sexuality, intensified interest in all things magickal, and desire to forgo sleep in favor of meditating or performing rituals all night. But these A&P emergences have been much milder than the ones I experienced for many years before Awake Awareness – well, until now.
Now, I am largely convinced I’ve just passed through an insight cycle over the past two weeks. I began with doldrums, progressed to sensations of anxiety (although I was strangely emotionally cleaved from them), awoke with misery for about a day, experienced nausea and disgust with everything, and even moved through Desire for Deliverance. Desire for Deliverance is a stage I used to experience intensely, every cycle, usually by kicking my meditation cushion away in favor of weeping and praying most of the night (what Daniel called “melodharmas,” haha). After Awake Awareness, this stage never emerged again, and I thought, “Oh wow! I’ve arrived.”
Current A&P and DFD
But not so fast. Last Night’s A&P with fractal Desire for Deliverance, ñ4.ñ9 in Daniel’s notation, was so intense that it was almost physically unbearable. I was flooded with energy all day, and spent much time researching how to help a young man who needs some stabilization. When I later practiced, with candles, in a hot bath, very intense love-compassion-bliss radiated out from my body-heart-mind to everyone and everything. I called in the Four Guests. I wept and prayed. Then I stopped and said to myself, “OMG! Am I in Desire for Deliverance or A&P?” After roaming the house and eating a sandwich to try to ground down through all the crazy raptures, I decided that I was in A&P (mostly) with a fractal stage of DFD within that. When I finally laid down to sleep, the raptures were so intense that I was trembling. It is a funny experience to want bliss to calm down just a tad.
The unique prominence and coherence of this post-awakening cycle, with its apparently not reaching Equanimity, makes me wonder whether some new level of insight is in the offing. There is never any way to tell beforehand, but unless I’m misremembering, intense cycles used to precede significant gains. Time will tell.
Trumping Crazed Energies
Some have asked why I’m writing here less often. I’ve been scarce here for a number of reasons:
- I’m keeping a private journal of my main formal practices, and it is not ripe for revealing to the public;
- I’m in a stage characterized by “retreat” from interaction and more deeply into the quiet of my body-heart-mind;
- I’m insanely busy at my day job;
- I still need to post the rest of my Dharma by Dark Night journal;
- I suddenly lost interest in tarot and dreamwork, which is mainly what this journal is about, as it turns out;
- I’m trying to grapple with time pressure;
- I’ve been swamped with energies of people in crisis and needing support this week; and
- Because I’m so open now, I am easily swamped with chaos and fear in the field.
And, with regard to the final bullet, boy, has that been intense since Trump was elected. It has been a wild ride. And I am still not carving out sufficient time for writing the dharma book planned. So this journal will be slow for a good while.
Last night, instead of doing only my advanced formal practice, I spent nearly 3 hours in ritual and meditation, calling on holy beings and protectors, doing guru yoga by allowing the Exemplary Being to enter my crown and descend through all the chakras, and sitting as the fierce and protective Mother over Little Jenny and other Little Ones near me and suffering and seeking. When this was over, I had the sudden urge to throw some cards.
Understand the Past: Page of Swords Reversed
The Page of Swords is a card of youthful power and fortune, symbolized by the red dragon tattooed on the girl’s body. Here it is reversed, signifying the inundation of negative energies and discussion of natural and political disasters.
Understand the Present: The Six of Disks
This card features the archangel Gabriel, whose name means “Strength of God.” This angel is the Messenger and Seat of Mercy. He is the deliverer of divine texts and teachings. This card is about manifesting and integrating good deeds on this physical plane, especially through communication, writing, dreams, and visions. Gabriel heralds Mary’s pregnancy and blows the trumpet before Judgment; so he is about monumental collapse and monumental beginnings, sweeps of aeons beyond historic time. This very Earth and species are at stake in the people I’m now helping through crises. This is a Bodhisattva’s commitment: to stay, to envision, to communicate, to manifest. This card indicates spiritual gifts I already have yet need to earn through hard work for others in need. This is my life’s purpose.
Do This: The Five of Swords
This card features luminous-eyed Athena, with her owls. The number 5 carries elements of suffering and challenge. And indeed there have been challenge and a frenzy of suffering in others that have created a field effect penetrating me to the point of inducing chills, weakness, and feelings of illness, all of which vanished with this 3-hour sit. This card, a 5, means I have to go into duality, so to speak, to retrieve the core of myself so that I’m not so easily swamped and tilted by the crazy energies of the field. I am meeting this challenge of working through my dis-ease and the suffering of the field of beings with intelligence, reason, strategy, and philosophy (stalwart Athenian). Key message of this card, and right on for current context of Fear everywhere, is this: Question all paranoia; invoke and give spiritual protection.
Envision Outcomes: The Seven of Swords
The raven in this card is holding an emerald in its beak, both the sun stolen from the gods and the color of the center of the rainbow, green, as 5 above was the center of the numbered cards. This card, and the whole reading in general, is about movement, deeds, and descent to the physical Earthly plane to guide others with reason. This is, like the other cards, about a Great Work, communication and transmission of knowledge and power. It is a card that tolls my life: To teach, to write.