Breath and Winds

I noticed again how breath energy directed at pain points can dissolve them. Especially effective is moving energy from comfortable body parts to painful ones. Usually when there is pain, I send my mind to reside there with the pain and don’t even notice the parts of my body that are comfortable.  The emphasis can be reversed.  And pain can be simply dissolved. Is this the nature of all pain or only aches from muscular tension?

I also did notice at the end how refreshed my mind felt, calm but keen.I am still noticing distractions, usually thoughts of friends. Today I noticed fewer but longer followings after these distractions. I didn’t apply fierce pressure to return rapidly to the Breath. But I did notice my mind fabricating even though the fabrications weren’t interesting. 

It seems to help to ask questions of the breath. I felt less pressure on the meditation, less expectation.

It is storm-windy today.  I could hear the wind chimes from the other end of the house, the kitchen porch. The meditation bell made me jolt again. Hmm.

Inauspicious Beginnings

Pain and roughness of breath entered the mind when thoughts, hopes, and fantasy surrounding Kerry’s going to UNC rose up. At first it was hard not to follow these thoughts and slow to realize I had strayed from the Breath. Time went fast until the final 3 minutes and then dropped to a crawl. Bell made me jump. Ears rang but I seem to be able to make that prominent or faint.

Dissolution of (Physical) Pain

This sit went better. I started with a lot of pain. Long, slow breaths and focus on spreading comforting breath energy to the painful parts of the body helped. I ended, in fact, with almost no pain. I ended relaxed, although I still had intrusive performance-anxiety thoughts and plans to journal this sit, which is kind of funny in hindsight. I did experience longer blocks of focus and was surprised how easy it was to dissolve pain and tension by using the simple techniques in Thanissaro’s and Ajahn Lee’s samatha meditation manuals. 

I saw that my current feelings of disgust with my friends is somehow coming from my hunger for money and lifework.

Physicality and Thoughts

Tonight was different in that my breath was not blocked at the level of my throat. But I noticed all kinds of pain and discomfort. My legs held much tension and went numb. I should sit not in half lotus until I am more limber and less sore from working out. I did have moments of recognized comfort in my arms and was able to spread it to my legs and back for a few moments. 

I found it difficult to direct thought without being sucked into thinking in general. But I did notice and kept returning to my breath. When I first started meditation practice I observed moments when I felt shaky, like I would explode. That occurred last night and tonight. 

Fits and Starts

First sit in months. I felt hypomanic all day after having the blues yesterday.  I was agitated and even nervous at moments. I kept thinking I saw Liana. I kept directing myself back to observing the breath. It felt blocked at the level of my throat, the chakra governing communication and truth-speaking, according to Eastern energetic theories. Finally I lowered focus to my navel area. I tried different speeds of breath but never got it just right. I was just beginning to relax into focus when the bell rang and I jumped at the sound. Twenty minutes of sitting had passed, and it felt fast.