Second Path Kicking My Ass

Nick,

For whatever it is worth, you are right, I believe, that second path is kicking my ass right now. I realized this when I burst into tears when I thought Daniel was scolding me for not working on his book during all this time, argued with him by phone, and then told him I wanted to “roll up the mat” and just quit the dharma. And only then did I hear “roll up the mat” echo out of my mouth and remember that is from MCTB. Reobservation.

Before stream entry, I had Fear, Misery, Disgust, Reobservation, and Desire for Deliverance, but never irritability. I don’t know what the hell this is, Knowledge of Anger? That isn’t on any map, is it? 

Not that I’m discounting issues, and not that Daniel can’t be frustrating, blind, and contradictory in his own irritatingly smug saintly way, apparently, but I’m pretty sure that I’m in Reobservation. I’ve not sat in, what, five nights. So I guess I’ll get up early and make myself, so there is at least a chance of reaching Equanimity.

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