Reemergence of Cyclic Insight Stages

Past Progress of Insight

When I attained to Awake Awareness in July 2015, I blithely declared that either I was no longer cycling through the Progress of Insight stages, or the stages were so “drowned out” by openness and clarity that they were, for all intents and purposes, nullified. I did occasionally notice the Knowledge of the Arising and Passing Away (A&P) stage, with its hypomanic bliss and physical raptures, heightened sexuality, intensified interest in all things magickal, and desire to forgo sleep in favor of meditating or performing rituals all night. But these A&P emergences have been much milder than the ones I experienced for many years before Awake Awareness – well, until now.

Now, I am largely convinced I’ve just passed through an insight cycle over the past two weeks. I began with doldrums, progressed to sensations of anxiety (although I was strangely emotionally cleaved from them), awoke with misery for about a day, experienced nausea and disgust with everything, and even moved through Desire for Deliverance. Desire for Deliverance is a stage I used to experience intensely, every cycle, usually by kicking my meditation cushion away in favor of weeping and praying most of the night (what Daniel called “melodharmas,” haha). After Awake Awareness, this stage never emerged again, and I thought, “Oh wow! I’ve arrived.”

Current A&P and DFD

But not so fast. Last Night’s A&P with fractal Desire for Deliverance, ñ4.ñ9 in Daniel’s notation, was so intense that it was almost physically unbearable. I was flooded with energy all day, and spent much time researching how to help a young man who needs some stabilization. When I later practiced, with candles, in a hot bath, very intense love-compassion-bliss radiated out from my body-heart-mind to everyone and everything. I called in the Four Guests. I wept and prayed. Then I stopped and said to myself, “OMG! Am I in Desire for Deliverance or A&P?” After roaming the house and eating a sandwich to try to ground down through all the crazy raptures, I decided that I was in A&P (mostly) with a fractal stage of DFD within that. When I finally laid down to sleep, the raptures were so intense that I was trembling. It is a funny experience to want bliss to calm down just a tad.

The unique prominence and coherence of this post-awakening cycle, with its apparently not reaching Equanimity, makes me wonder whether some new level of insight is in the offing. There is never any way to tell beforehand, but unless I’m misremembering, intense cycles used to precede significant gains. Time will tell.

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