A New Beginning in Media Res
That completes the move of my Dharma Overground (DhO) journal over to this cozier, hopefully less nutty space [Awake Network].
All kinds of shit has blown up around and with me on the DhO for 3 full weeks. Folks seem to ascribe it to my being on second path, but that ain’t all of it. I had and have some valid contentions with that site, so-called moderation thereof, and other issues that I won’t name but people here know.
The question how much of shitty interpersonal stuff is path side effects and how much of it is not – well, that is hard enough, I imagine, for one to answer for one’s own part. But when people start answering for my own part for me, then I reckon that it may be they who are projecting their earlier path stuff onto me.
And then this rather arrogant condescension occurs, yea, even by the grandest of arahats. And evasions, evasions, evasions. And very subtle blame-without-blaming. This whole shitstorm has caused skeptical doubt to arise now, supposedly after first path, where I never had it pre-path. So either that ten-fetter stuff is utter nonsense, or I didn’t attain path after all. Well, what difference does it make, ultimately, what one calls it? Something happened. Something is going on.
I’m a shy person and not described by anyone who knows me at all as angry. I can be overbearing and perfectionist, but not angry, mean, or aggressive. Yet that is what I’m labeled now. So okay. And we practitioners are supposed to be doormats, or rather Teflon-hearted. And if the end is to become like those around me have been, then, yeah, not sure I want to go down this path, after all, and have my plain grasp of roles and boundaries smeared out of recognition until apathy and the near enemy of equanimity sets in like pathology.