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I just had a wonderful, if brief, sit. I’m sitting here with the most intense and expansive sensations of peace flowing outward. I seem to exist more as aura than at core. Very nice!
I began by setting intention, which was to concentrate on an oil lamp flame (fire kasina) in order to deepen and stabilize my concentration. I also resolved to be flexible and go where the jhanas, or even emotional stuff, wanted to take me, no matter what. One of the reasons that this was such a satisfying sit was that I intuitively knew what to do by just opening up to the process as it found me, where it found me. I began this sit filled with almost overwhelming emotions of free-floating gratitude and love, which I focused and extended to those in my life, near and far, past and present. Then I observed the sensations that made up these feelings, emotions. There was a kind of glow at the solar plexus that radiates outward, like a pulsar.
Keeping the Breath in Mind
Next, with eyes closed, I started breathing in through my left shoulder blade and down my body and out my left foot. Then the right side. Then I inhaled through both shoulders and down the arms and out the fingers. Then I inhaled from throat into solar plexus. Then it was from the chest to the groin. And so on, till I arrived at my favorite, which is “breathing” through all pores, with the energy coalescing at a distance a few inches beyond my skin, like an aura.
Feeling Shift from Bliss to Joy
During all this breath-energy work, intense bliss states arose. They were so intense that they were seen as almost painful, and this was one point where I thought “I” can’t control this. After a few minutes, I seemed to move to 3rd and 4th, and the bliss changed to pleasure and then equanimity, whereupon I started gazing at the flame with mantra going. I focused on the bright orange color at the tip of the flame.
Reporting on Fire Kasina Cycles
After about 4 cycles of opening and closing my eyes, I left them closed longer. I noticed that it takes a good while for the after image of the candle to take form and expand, so I need to leave my eyes closed longer when I next do this meditation. The purple never became really intensely so, but during one of these cycles, everything behind my closed eyelids became rather bright pale orange, like an actual flame, although this time this phenomenon was not as shockingly bright as the last time. Still, I was plenty surprised. Somewhere in this field of pale dull orange-golden was a tiny red dot. Odd.
Finishing with Boundless Space
I left my eyes closed and went into the formless realms to finish this sit. However, I’m trying to tell the difference between Boundless Space and Boundless Consciousness and cannot quite. With Boundless Space, I start feeling so expansive that I feel like I’m zooming, and it can be a little scary and halting. Boundless Consciousness feels like a bit of a strain, so I don’t think I have it yet.
Often, during the past few sits, when I’m deep in, I feel this odd half-turning sensation, sort of like a slowed down vertigo.
Enjoying a Healing Afterglow
Anyway, this felt like a good, clear, healing sit, with direction for once, and an extremely pleasant afterglow. I didn’t want to stop, but not enough hours in the day, you know.
I’ll write more tomorrow about my trip to the mountains this past weekend, particularly disturbing dreams I had. I wonder how long all this mood swinging is going to go on!