I need to be willing to follow my intuition, so long as by doing so I feel pull and direction, not increased scatter. I’ve started to feel too dependent on pointing-out instructions, so now comes a drive to return to directing my own meditation sessions and experimenting.
Also, I’m wanting to go deep into dream and sleep practices, which means samatha jhanas are in order.
I’m rusty, as I’ve also mentioned. I can just sit with eyes open and nothing particularly on the agenda, and find ground-rigpa-tsal gives quite a show. Something is subtly bothering me about how “lazy” this has made me. So I want to start intuiting and doing again, as in the old days in the Dharma Underground, my little tree fort.
Tonight I had quite a time getting thought to calm down. I reverted back to my old standby techniques from Ajaan Lee–breathing the energy in and down through different parts of the body, in a prescribed series. J1 is often hard for me–so much effort. But to get to J2 I normally just need to tune into the pleasure of the breath, as if it were a warm sensuous bath. This is normally enough to bring on raptures and automaticity.
However, I started noticing that two-tracked mind: thoughts on one rail and the jhanas developing on another. So I decided to experiment becoming more one pointed by really, really intensifying on the breath. To do so, I started doing something weird. I started taking audible, exaggeratedly deep slow breaths.I also imagined vaporizing upward on inhale, and dropping heavily into the ground on exhale. This, tonight, was actually depth and slowness I needed, and pleasure lifted me to J2.
I never made it past a few moments of J5 (Boundless Space), but I have quite an afterglow going on
It is odd when I suddenly change the course of my practice, but I have done so often enough, and my intuition has always been right. I’m not sure why I’m sort of shelving third chakra and chod, but something is strongly calling me now into awakened sleep.