Dream of White Chalk Caves
During one of my bouts of sleepiness today, I took a nap. Shortly before I woke up, I dreamed I was standing facing my son in bright daylight, before some white chalk caves. I sort of knew I was in dreamspace, because I knew those white caves were not part of the scenery anywhere near where I reside. I was about to go into a cave with my son to teach him meditation on retreat. He looked at me, his white tee-shirt nearly blinding me with glare, and said, “Yes, I’m ready.”
I’m wanting to actually teach him during his summer break from college. I could test material for a future meditation manual, and he could gain stream entry.
Tonight I lighted my candles and I called on my protectors, in case I’m under some kind of attack on my energy, which may be the case since one of the chief effects of the fatigue is that I blow off meditation and therefore calling for protectors’ help. After chatting with DreamWalker a bit, I agreed that I needed to resolve to sit and call them in, so I did. After calling in the retinue and doing some heart-opening guru yoga with Guru Rinpoche, I spent an hour gently going up the jhanas.
Ordinarily I don’t notice j3 much, but tonight I did. It was wide but all in front, joyous with a trace of rapture wobbling in here and there. Then it suddenly bloomed into j4, which was oh-so-nice. By the time I’m past j2, I drop the breath as an object to labor over. The jhanas are self-guided at that point; all I have to do is not overapply effort. Nice and gentle–and they unfold.
I made it to j7 for the first time in so long that I have lost track of how long. So I’m simply out of practice. It is weird to have that turning-away that j7, Nothingness, requires when mother-rigpa is flaring so. But it is possible.
During jhana, I have fragments of forgotten dreams float up. So jhana does indeed seem to prime dreamtime and dream recall.
I will continue to revive my jhana practice, taking more time to let each jhana bloom and transition on its own. It seems that hands-off is the best approach now.